RELATIONSHIPS

‘I love you.’

I said it as he stepped back into the truck he’d borrowed from his dad to procure some supplies for my garden. We’d just finished up our adventure at the otherworldly city dump filling burlap bags with fresh compost, still hot enough to steam up the bed of the truck. After a little lunch, and some more conversation, we were back at my place for the drop-off.

As usual, our time together was a satisfying mix of storytelling, deep dives, music, a few laughs, comfortable silence, some occasional knowing glances and a dog. Our time always begins…

CULTURE

I was recently reminiscing about a lovely whiskey I shared with a lovely man in my pre-pandemic life. He’s one of those men who oozes an intoxicating combination of strength and complexity. He is a caretaker and delivers that care with the warmth of a true romantic’s heart. He is solid physically, socially, and mentally. Struggle as he may with it, and he is struggling, he also seems to be genuinely working on the emotional bit, too. I can see this struggle most acutely in his eyes when he is abruptly carried off somewhere else during our conversations. A shadow…

SPIRITUALITY

𝗕𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂! I hope this message finds you peaceful and resting today. If struggle surrounds you, I pray that peace finds you soon! ⁣

⁣I’ve engaged in several conversations recently where I have heard a version of the following statement. ‘𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗜’𝗺 𝗶𝗻, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗮𝗹𝗹-𝗶𝗻.’ I always find these statements curious.⁣⁣

You see, I live my life all-in, all the time. If I’m not all-in, I’m out. There isn’t an large, self imposed gray area around my reality. 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗿𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝘀𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝗜 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱…

POLITICS

Let’s talk about tax policy, sexy I know, right?

Despite feigned concern for America’s deficit, Heather Cox Richardson reports, “Senators John Thune (R-SD) and Mike Crapo (R-ID) and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) are leading an effort to repeal the estate tax. According to Michael Hiltzik of the Los Angeles Times, this tax falls on estates over $11.7 million, about a fifth of which are worth $50 million or more. The average estate affected by the tax is worth $30 million, and it affects about 2,500 people a year. It is enacted on capital gains that have not been…

SPIRITUALITY

Pollinate Sunday Sermon — 3.14.21

Blessed Sunday to you, my friend. I hope to find you enjoying peace, but if I don’t, I pray that whatever you’re dealing with brings you what you need to grow, and that peace will come to you soon. ⁣
⁣
Peace was elusive for me this week. It seemed as though all of my ghosts decided to come for a visit. It started with a picture on my feed of an old flame, and the life he chose instead of mine. Then someone texted me about the close of a bad play I unwillingly starred for…

CULTURE

One Little Virus and One Big Problem

As I approach the year anniversary of my former life, I’m taking stock on the toll Covid has taken on my relationship landscape. It has been quite a year. Major fault lines erupted in core relationships. Some have been strengthened, some have disappeared. Most of us have learned to live with less; less touch, less love, less security. Fear and anxiety took up residency in places it passed through easily before, and the Love Hierarchy that began to emerge in my inner circle at the beginning of this pandemic became a full blown family crisis only a few months later.

…

RELATIONSHIPS

Our species is steeped in a Transactional Love Culture. In this reality love has become a commodity to be procured and hoarded. Instead of being the abundant and infinite source that it is, it has become a precious and valued commodity to be doled out to our finite and conditional hearts. It has been tightly interwoven with our sense of self worth, so much so that we abdicate our ability to experience love to only one person that will deliver it to us for eternity, reinforcing our very worthiness (or lack of) in receiving it.

It is no surprise that…

RELATIONSHIPS

Leaving is hard to do, but it can be done well.

“He took care of everything Katie. You don’t need to do anything but sign some paper.”

My dad’s best friend was an attorney and had helped him get everything sorted out before he died. It was his last act of taking care of me. He knew that I would be in no condition to think through complex issues and make big decisions. He knew I would need all my resources to manage the intensity of the emotions quietly consuming me. Such is the experience of receiving a “good” goodbye…